


I Will Follow You Into the Dark

by w00t4ewan



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, Grieving
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 23:12:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4077394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w00t4ewan/pseuds/w00t4ewan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JJ tries to piece her life together after a devastating personal blow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Follow You Into the Dark

Jennifer Jareau had always put her family first when it came to work but it was only a few sniffles and the team really needed her on this case. She felt bad for leaving henry when he was sick but she knew Will could handle a small cold, it was nothing new. She packed her go bags, checked Henry's temperature one last time and prepared to go.

"They can do this without you," Will pleaded, blocking the door to the bedroom.

"So can you," JJ reminded as she pushed past. She got in the car and met the team at the BAU to go over case notes before the took off. The local law enforcement needed all the help they could get to solve a set of grizzly murders so the team wasted no time.

"Alright buddy it's time for bed," Will said as he got Henry out of the bath. Henry had begun coughing and Will felt bad that his son was feeling so ill. He wished there was something he could do to relieve his misery but the children's cough medication hadn't had time to kick in yet. It was a waiting game at this point.

Henry got dressed in his dinosaur pajamas and Will decided to let him sleep in the master bedroom instead of his own room so that he could keep an eye on the little one. Henry crashed as soon as his head hit the pillow and Will kissed his son on the forehead noticing it was a little warm but nothing too alarming.

The team had arrived in Los Angeles and had made first contact with the police department. It had been a long flight but they needed to hit the ground running if they were going to get ahead of this particular unsub. They dove straight into the case.

Around noon they decided to take a break for lunch. JJ stepped outside for some fresh air and took out her phone to check in with her boys. She realized she had five missed calls form Will and a few text messages, she panicked and dialed his number.

"JJ, where the hell have you been?" Will answered hurriedly.

"My phone was on silent, what's going on?"

"It's Henry, his fever spiked in the middle of the night. We're at the hospital now," Will's voice trembled.

"Oh my god, do you need me to come home? What did the doctor's say?" JJ asked as she began pacing anxiously.

"They don't think it's serious but they want to keep him here until they can get his fever under control. It looks like pneumonia."

"Pneumonia?! Okay, I'll let Hotch know I'm heading home."

"No, no stay. The doctors are taking good care of him. There's nothing you could do here, it will only be a couple of days before you're home. I can handle this, you're right," Will urged.

"I really think I should come home," JJ answered, absent mindedly running her fingers through her hair as she weighed her options.

"Jayje, stay. It'll be alright, I love you."

"I love you too but you call me if anything changes and I'll be on the next flight back," JJ huffed. She wasn't fully convinced she was making the right choice but Will seemed certain he had everything under control. She was always suffocating him with her over bearing mother act and she knew he wanted to prove he could take care of a catastrophe on his own for once. She had to trust his judgment though she didn't have to like it.

The hours slipped by and soon the team was calling it a night and heading to their hotel. JJ had let Hotch know she was on standby in case anything changed at the hospital and he was completely understanding, being a parent himself. Once checked in and settled in her room JJ fished her phone out and dialed Will's number again.

"Hey," he answered wearily.

"How's our boy?"

"No change yet, they're pumping him full of fluids and antibiotics for now," Will replied.

"Is he sleeping or can I talk to him?"

"He just drifted off a little while ago, they gave him some medicine to suppress his cough so he could sleep."

JJ frowned, after such a long day all she had wanted was to talk to her little man but she knew better than to wake a sick toddler. Especially one who had been in the hospital all afternoon. She put her own selfishness aside and knew it was best that Henry get his rest if he was going to feel better. "Alright, I love you. I'm heading to bed. I have my phone turned up so you call..."

"If anything changes," Will interrupted. "I know chere, I will. I love you too get some sleep."

"You too, good night."

JJ snuggled into the bed and plugged her phone into the charger on the night stand. She wanted so badly to be at home with Henry but she knew that the team needed her too. It was a hard place to be but she knew Will would call her if need be. She tossed and turned for an hour or so before finally getting to sleep.

JJ shot up in the bed at the loud ring of her cell. She rushed to answer it, "Will what's wrong?"

"Jayje, it's time for you to come home. His fever spiked again, it's bad Jay." Will replied with a shaky voice.

"Okay, I'm on my way."

JJ threw her things in her bag and called Hotch.

"Hello?" he answered sleepily.

Through stifled sobs JJ replied, "Hotch I've got to get home. I'm sorry."

"No JJ, go. Tell henry to feel better soon."

JJ nodded but quickly realized Hotch couldn't see the gesture, "I will."

She hung up and called the team's pilot who had also been put on standby for just this reason. He agreed to meet JJ at the airport in an hour and was more than happy to get the worried mom back to her sick boy. The flight was five and half hours long and JJ clutched her phone the entire time. She jumped when it rang in her hand as she stared out the window into the night.

"Hello?"

"Jay, how far away are you?"

JJ knew this was a bad sign, she checked her watch, "Two hours."

"Jayje, his fever. It was too high, he slipped into a coma," Will replied through tears.

JJ's heart sank. She was stuck in the air while her son was crashing and there was nothing she could do about it. She tried to think positively but the reality was slowly sinking in that her son was in a coma and she had been the one to leave when he was sick. If she had only stayed home, would it have been different? She got lost in thought as tears ran silently down her cheeks.

"Jay?"

"I'm still here," she whispered. "Kiss him for me. I'll be there as soon as I can."

As soon as the plane landed JJ rushed to the hospital. When she arrived she made her way to Henry's room and collapsed in Will's arms. She looked at her son who looked so serene but she knew better. She kissed his forehead over and over and wrapped her arms around him.

"Baby, you have to come back to me," she whispered in his ear. She nuzzled her nose in his blonde hair and sobbed. "You have to come back baby, I'm here now. Momma is here now."

The worried parents sat next to Henry's bed through the night and into the morning hours with no signs of change. Around sunrise Henry began convulsing, the doctors rushed in and kicked Will and JJ out of the room as the worked. JJ had never been so scared in her life as she stood helplessly watching her son seize. Will had to physically restrain JJ when they heard the monitor flatline. Everything from that moment seemed to move in slow motion.

A nurse rushed in with a defibrillator as the doctor called "Clear!" JJ collapsed in a heap on the floor as she heard the jolt of electricity hit her son's chest. But nothing. They charged the paddles again, nothing. A third time, and nothing. The shrill screech of the heart monitor was the only thing JJ could hear in the pandemonium.

"No, no, no," she muttered over and over as Will sat on the floor holding her.

After doing their best the doctor came out of the room with a forlorn look on her face. JJ began sobbing uncontrollably as Will wrapped her in his arms as tightly as he could manage through his own sobs.

"I'm so very sorry," the doctor offered as if any condolence would make the situation better.

JJ screamed as she began hitting Will, "How could you let this happen? How could you?"

Will grabbed her wrists and restrained her as he kissed her, "Calm down"

"Don't you tell me to fucking calm down! He had the sniffles! It was a cold and now," JJ looked into the hospital room at her son for the first time and lost it completely. She sobbed so hard she began to dry heave. Will hoisted her into a nearby chair and rubbed her back attempting to get her to breathe but it was a lost cause. She was too far gone. It took two hours to finally cry herself out before she could even reenter the room. Will lead her by the hand as they made their way to Henry's bedside to say goodbye for the last time.

The next few hours slid by painfully slow as decisions were made about where to send his body, body. It was not a term JJ would be able to get used to. Her son, her darling four year old son who had just wished her a happy goodbye was now laying lifelessly against white hospital sheets as she refused to let him go. She was wrapped up with Henry in her arms sobbing into his blonde hair until the coroner arrived to take him away. Even then JJ remained sitting in the bed alone, too weak to get up. Will sat nearby with his head in his hands as they both tried to come to grips with the reality that Henry was gone.

"What do we do now?" Will asked as he rubbed his eyes in a rare moment of clarity through the tears.

"This is your fault," JJ muttered.

"What?" Will asked in disbelief. He knew JJ was hurting, broken even, but that was a serious accusation.

"You told me he was fine. You told me to stay in LA."

"Jay, there was nothing you could have done. This is no one's fault, we can't play that game if we want to survive this."

"Who says I want to survive this?" JJ asked as she buried her face in the pillow where she could still make out Henry's scent.

"This is going to put us, our relationship, to the test. But we have to stay on the same side," Will reminded as he made his way to the bed and wrapped his arms around his wife.

"We have to call everyone," JJ whispered. She had spent the last thirty minutes forming these conversations in her head. "We have to call my mom. I need to call the team. Oh god, I have to call Emily."

At the mention of her name JJ lost it again and began sobbing. Emily had been gone for two years but they remained close, the last time they had seen each other was when Emily had come to JJ's rescue when Askari had abducted and tortured her. That had been over a year now, how was she supposed to just call up Emily and tell her what had happened? It was different with everyone else because she could grieve with them in person but Emily was 3,600 miles away. How was she supposed to call anyone and tell them that her precious little boy was gone?

They drove home in silence. There was nothing either of them could say to make anything better so they were left to their own thoughts. When they got home Will opened the front door to an empty house. There was no sound of small feet, no laughter, there was only darkness. JJ made her way into the house and sat down on the couch. She looked around the room at their happy family photos and the toys strewn about the living room and fell apart. Will sighed, he wanted so badly to comfort her but he knew she would be inconsolable. As to be expected. He instead made his way to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee.

When Will returned JJ was no where to be found, he followed the sound of her cries up the stairs and found her curled up in Henry's bed. He looked around his son's room and felt his stomach drop. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed JJ's back whispering small reassurances, though he couldn't help but cry himself.

"Henry's gone," JJ cried.

Will nodded. There was something unsettling about saying it aloud for the first time. It had only been a few hours ago that their son had been wheeled away by the coroner and now they were back in his room. A room he would never return to. A room they would have to pack up and re-purpose eventually. A room that would always hold the memory of the blonde boy with his mother's loving blue eyes who laughed too much and loved with all of his heart.

"We should call your mom to come over," Will said softly.

"This will kill her," JJ murmured between cries.

"We have to let her know," Will sighed thinking about having to talk to anyone right now but he knew it had to be done sooner rather than later.

JJ excused herself to the master bedroom and stared at her phone, which suddenly weighed a thousand pounds and was getting heavier by the second. She tried to catch her breath as she pulled up her mom and pressed send.

"Hello darling," Sandy answered happily.

JJ's voice quivered just hearing her mother's happy tone, "Mom?"

"What is it?" Sandy asked noticing the hesitation in her daughter's voice.

"Mom," JJ managed to get out before breaking down in sobs for the umpteenth time.

"JJ, what's wrong? What's going on?"

JJ tried to catch her breath but reality was sinking in that she was about to have to tell her mother that her son had passed away and she began to have a panic attack. "Henry" was all she managed to get out before she lost her breath and began to cry loudly into the receiver.

Sandy's heart dropped. She wasn't exactly sure what JJ was trying to get out but she knew it was serious. "I'm coming over," Sandy replied. "Just try and breathe, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"He's not," JJ whimpered. "He's not here. He's gone."

Sandy took a deep breath and sat down, "Baby, what do you mean...gone?"

JJ broke down and couldn't continue with the conversation. Sandy knew better than to try and get JJ to explain and she simply told her she'd be over as soon as possible and headed out the door. The drive over took forever due to rush hour traffic and a thousand different situations ran through her head as she worked through the city. She thought about Rosaline and felt a familiar unease as she honked her horn impatiently. The only thing that kept Sandy going after Rosaline's death was her other children, she couldn't imagine how JJ would cope if anything happened to her only child.

An hour later Will opened the door to his mother-in-law. Sandy knew immediately something was wrong when she looked at Will's face. She could hear JJ screaming upstairs and she searched Will's eyes for any sign of hope. She found only sadness as she stumbled against the wall and began to cry.

"Oh, god, no," Sandy cried. "Oh god, our boy?"

Will couldn't find the words and simply nodded to confirm Sandy's worst fears.

"JJ?"

"Bedroom," Will replied.

Sandy made her way up the stairs and into the bedroom where she scooped her daughter up and squeezed her as they cried together. Sandy's heart was broken completely but she knew JJ's would never heal. She knew first hand what losing a child was like and she would never wish that upon anyone especially not her own daughter.

Once the initial shock had passed Sandy settled onto the bed with her daughter, brushing her fingers through JJ's blonde hair and kissing her gently on the forehead. She was aching for her daughter but she knew she needed to stay strong in the face of adversity. She stayed with JJ until she had drifted off into an exhaustive sleep. Sandy shut the bedroom door and headed downstairs to Will.

"We haven't called anyone else," Will admitted as he poured Sandy a cup of coffee.

"There's no rush. Now is the time to grieve. Let me help with notification, I can do whatever you need," Sandy patted Will on the hand in a loving manner.

"I appreciate that," Will forced a small smile as a token of his gratitude.

The two sat at the kitchen table in silence for a while, neither of them knowing what to say. Time passed and suddenly they both jumped to their feet at the sound of blood curdling screams coming from upstairs.

Will rushed to the bedroom to find JJ throwing picture frames against a wall, screaming while she cried. He ducked as a frame nearly missed his head. He made his way to her and restrained her.

"I woke up," she cried, "and I thought it was and nightmare. But he's gone. Oh god, Will, he's gone. Henry is gone."

Will struggled to keep her in his grasp as she began trying to hit him in a fit of rage. Sandy stood in the doorway watching helplessly.

"Shhhh, it's okay Jay. It's okay, I've got you" Will cooed to his wife.

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU IT IS NOT OKAY!" JJ shouted at him. "MY SON, MY SON IS DEAD!"

"He was my son too," Will reminded calmly.

"You told me to stay in LA," JJ sobbed collapsing against him in exhaustion. "I didn't get to say goodbye."

Will kissed her softly and embraced her tightly.

"I never said goodbye," JJ sobbed.

**Author's Note:**

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